Life’s successes and failures often revolve around the sense of satisfaction we receive from our relationships with other people. At the core of the quality of our lives are encounters between ourselves and others which will provoke positive and negative emotions, thoughts, and actions. These relationships trigger the surfacing of our personality traits for the purpose of helping us to become consciously aware of who we really are. The intention is to help us explore our inner strengths and weaknesses. It is within relationships that we manifest experiences which benefit our self-discovery and learn how we impact others through their responses to us. Each human encounter throughout your ordinary day has, at a minimum, a subtle purpose and an effect upon you. These encounters are designed to awaken or instill an unlearned lesson needed to help you achieve a potential and evolve. If your relationship is suffering significantly, then seek professional help. Otherwise, below are ten helpful ways of communicating to someone that they are significant in your life and you love them.
- Spend time with those you care about or love. Time is precious gift in that cannot be bought or replaced. Healthy relationships require an investment of time and quality. Use the time to actively connect and engage with the person e.g. having a conversation versus watching a movie together (in which case each individual is engaged with the movie).
- Actively listen to them without interruptions or judgment . Trying to communicate with someone that is interrupting or criticizing what the other is saying before they have completed their thoughts is not only frustrating, discouraging, and rude but also demonstrates a lack of respect and interest for the speaker’s ideas. Be open and receptive when others speak. Apply your best effort to understand their perspective think before responding.
- When communicating with others, be brief yet precise . Unless the listener sends a clear signal that they want to hear more, lectures and nagging are a certain way to have them turn a deaf ear. Know-it-alls tend to be lonely people. Let the listener decide if their interested in hearing more.
- Focus on what they do right and let them know you like it. By acknowledging and approving others’ efforts or deeds to improve you will positively reinforce these behaviors and over time be able to build upon them. Remember “You can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar”.
- Spin “weaknesses” into “challenges” and increase their motivation to improve. By labeling a disability a weakness implies that they are less able or unable to accomplish…is discouraging and therefore unlikely to be mastered. Be patient, consistent, and optimistic in your support and that will help to motivate them to challenge and expand their boundaries.
- Make them your subject. Get to know them. Observe and study them. Notice their likes and dislikes, what makes them happy, sad, angry or calm.
- Conduct yourself in a manner which will promote or incite the positive feelings and reduce negative emotions. People like to be with people who help them to feel good. Likewise, make a conscious effort to refrain from doing things they dislike, saddens them, provokes anger or makes them feel bad.
- Ask people for permission before speaking your mind . Many people make the assumption that others would like to hear their unsolicited advice or opinion when no one is asking or interested. Therefore, your good intention may be misinterpreted as arrogance and turn off the listeners. If you feel the need or desire to share your beliefs, ask the listener if they would like to hear your suggestion or opinion before rambling on with it.
- Love and support them unconditionally . When we love someone, we love them no matter their circumstances, even if their not convenient for you. Also this does not mean that we treat them kindly when we are in a good mood and poorly when we are in a bad mood. This does not mean you should tolerate abuse; you need to care for yourself as well. What it means however is that you set limits or boundaries in an assertive vs. passive or aggressive manner.
- Treat others as you wish to be treated. One does not have to memorize these ten recommendations to improve their relationships with others, it can be summarized in one word, one rule, RESPECT!